|
She
May 27, 2004 15:05:26 GMT 1
Post by Taika of Narfell on May 27, 2004 15:05:26 GMT 1
In clothes as dark as the deepest of shadows She blends into everyone’s lives With nails the colour of the night sky She reaches out to hurt With eyes as dark as the fathomless abyss She sees... With dark pools void of compassion She sees all... With passionless neutrality She sees everyone... Her name is feared by all She visits when she can And no one welcomes her She is unwanted But still, she is Her appearance conjures discomfort Her kiss provokes fear She is the one that no one wants to meet If everyone had a choice they would leave her alone She is an eternal entity She is loneliness
*************************************
Yup, that's her. What do you think?
|
|
Billy
Groundskeeper
Posts: 185
|
She
Jun 23, 2004 16:29:39 GMT 1
Post by Billy on Jun 23, 2004 16:29:39 GMT 1
Love it. I have no criticism to offer, constructive or not. It's great the way it is.
|
|
|
She
Jun 23, 2004 17:07:09 GMT 1
Post by Taika of Narfell on Jun 23, 2004 17:07:09 GMT 1
I have been suggested to change the title to 'She' rather than 'Her'.
I'm not fond of the title as it is, so I'm leaning more towards the suggestion.
I am happy with the poem as it is. Only the title has bugged me a little.
What do you think of Her vs She, or do you have any other suggestions?
|
|
|
She
Jun 25, 2004 2:16:56 GMT 1
Post by bladeoflight on Jun 25, 2004 2:16:56 GMT 1
I would say this poem could be titled as "Truth" as well ... it describes most of her qualities
|
|
Billy
Groundskeeper
Posts: 185
|
She
Jun 25, 2004 17:47:05 GMT 1
Post by Billy on Jun 25, 2004 17:47:05 GMT 1
I don't have a problem with the title remaining HER. If you would prefer SHE, then change it, but first I must ask you why you chose to call it HER in the first place. Because you need to work out if you will feel comfortable calling it SHE instead of what you originally chose. Or anything else for that matter.
|
|