Reflection of Black

[Betrayer Of Hope]

Alright, I worked on this one, keeping in mind what Jemima said. About 3 hours have gone into it, and I guess I'm pretty satisfied. Tell me if I make my message pretty clear, and as usual, the critiques please

Could be better I'm sure...but it's my first one. *takes deep breath* Here goes...

Reflection of Black

Gloomy fog gathers on the glass,
Obscuring the image of a supposed man.
Refreshing rains reveal
A once-hidden treasure,
Able to love and to feel
Despite strife beyond measure.
But dark clouds that brought
rains of epiphany disperse, admitting
Sun’s fiery rays which
quickly incinerate
the golden image.
Amidst the fires of passion,
Another clone appears.
A copy of a clearer fashion
The glaring glass now mirrors.
Shadowed hollows harbor the empty eyes
Of a now pitiful creature
Lost at sea in a ship of lies,
And constantly seeking the shore.
Tears begin to flow from
the darkened depths,
and the apparition fades
to a misty despair.
From within the wispy fog,
The hallucination of a beast
Attacks. A gaping maw
Ringed with gleaming, jagged razors
Blots out existence.
The glass shatters, revealing
A Reflection of Black.