Recipes for Disaster II, Cookbook for Power Gamers

[The ChumpLump]

As some of you may already know, I like to find strange things to do with DnD. Not all of these are Power-gaming and a lot of them would cause any DM's furry within seconds of playing.

The first few entries are crossposted from Icewinddale.

Recipes for Disaster! A Cookbook for Power Gamers
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No build is created equaly, as we all know.
Some are exceptionaly twink-alicious. Others are quite refined and go down ever so smoothly. Some make great Camio/cross characters. What I intend this here thread to be a compendium of those great minds out there.

Here are a few offers:

* The Pet Master[ Epic Build. L.23...arguably L.17 min]
~ This Recipie calls for several ingrediants from many vast and rare sources, and takes a long time to cook, but in the end is by far worth it.

Ingrediants
~ 2 Cups PHB/SRD
~ 3 tsp Epic Level Hand Book
~ 2 Tlbs Races of the Wild
~ smidge Complete Arcane
~ 1/2 cupvDragon Magazin #325
~ A fine crust of Savage Species
For Undeathly aftertaste
~ Dash of Draconomican
~ 1 tsp Libris Mortis
~ Spices of Eberron
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EDIT~ Eratta'd for mistakes in math and rules.


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1) Build the Levels: Druid L.3/Wizard L.3/Arcane Hierophant L. 10/Mystic Theruge 4/and Epic Arcane Hierophant L.3


I chose the Wizard, and a Level 23, for optimal power, this grants 2 more epic spells. You may substitute a Sorcerer, and make it a L.24 build, or you can significant drop in level, at cost of power. But... well you'll see...{{ Microwavable Version, a.k.a L.19 build Posted later.}}

The Arcane Hierophant, is found in Races of the Wild. It looses it's familar and it's animal companion gains all of the familiar bonuses. Further more it spell progression is that of the [/http://www.d20srd.org/srd/prestigeClasses/mysticTheurge.htm]Mystic Theurge[/url]. It also is also stacks for Animal Companion Levels, and Familiar Levels.

Caster Levels

Druid-18 ( Can Cast L.9 Spells )

Wiz-19 ( Can Cast L.9 Spells)

Companion/familiar Levels ( With out feats)

A.Comp-Effective-L.16 Druid

Familiar-Effective L.3 Wiz.

2)Choose your Skills:

Nesisary Skills
*Know-Nature Full Ranks ( For Epic spells)
*Know-Arcane Full Ranks (For Epic Spells)
*Spellcraft Full Ranks
*Concentration not a bad Idea

3)Choose your Feats:

Mandatory:
*Epic Spell Casting: [For Obvious reasons]


* Obtain Familiar (Mystic Theruge) From the Complete Arcane. For the Mystic Theruge
~ Pet Effective levels are now
A.Comp-Effective-L.16 Druid
Familiar-Effective L.3Wiz.
Familiar-EffectiveL.4 Mystic Theurge.

*Therugicx2 Bond: Companion:(Wizard and Theurge) Bond: Companion:
Dragon Magazine 325. These make Wizard Levels stack with druid levels for A.Comp. and Druid Levels with Wizard levels for Familiar
~Effective Pet Levels
Animal Companion~ L.23 Druid
Now For the sake of Arcane Heirophant we dismiss both Familiars, and now give the Animal Companion the benifeits of a Master with the same Arcane Casters Level as what the Pet master has.
So Effective Familiar Benifiets are as if from a L.19 Wizard.

*Practised Caster (Wizard)
~Effective Familiar Traits are now that of a L.23 Wizard. (+4 CL.)
Normaly this wouldn't work however the AH's Animal Companion gains traits based off of the Arcane Caster level and not the effective pet Level. ( Noted thanks to Torack)

Suggested Feats
* Focus on Animal Companion Feats
* Druidic Therugy Feat ( Spells that are on both your Druid List, and your Wizard List are Caster Level 34[17+17, this is w/o magic Items]Spells such as Forsight, Antipathy, Sunburst, Sympathy, Control Weather, Finger of Death, Reverse Gravity, Scrying- and Greater Scrying, Cats Grace, Bulls Strength, Bear's endurance, Eagles splendor, Owl's Wisdom, Fox's Cunning...and mass, Control Water, Dispel Magic- and Greater Dispel Magic, Move Earth, True Seeing, Blight, Baleful Polymorph, Animal Growth, Transmute Mud to Rock/ Rock to Mud, Wall of Stone, Contagion, Ice Storm, Fire Trap, Stone Shape, Stoneskin, Wall of Fire, Daylight, Protection from Energy, Sleet Storm, Wind Wall, Water Breathing, Flaming Sphere, Gust of Wind, Fog Cloud , Resist Energy, Spider Climb, Summon Swarm,Endure Elements, Jump, Light, Flare, Detect Poison, Detect Magic, Resistance,Read Magic and anything else you can find on both lists. Very Powerfull when combined with the Epic Feat Enhance spell )
* WildShape Feats
* Companion Spell Bound [PhbII]



4) Choose Your Spells

*Epic Spell- WasteLife [Conjuration](Teleportation)
Seed: Transport/Afflict. ( DC 27(Transport)+ 14(Afflict)+10 (transport timestream to creature, not creature to time stream, Ad hoc)+8(Time Stream)+5 ( Remove Fear/Mind affectign, Ad Hoc)+10 (Area spell)+2( 4 ten foot cubes)+10 ( Duration= Concentration up to 2x Caster Level, DC 40)+2( Change touch to close) -60(30 day Ritual) =28
Spell Craft DC= 28
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 30 days
Range: 30ft
Target: 4 10ft Cubes
Duration: Concentration (Spell caster level x2)
Save-Will
SR-Yes

Target is aged at an increadible rate, gaining 10 years of living added to their age. If the target is pushed over their maximum age limit they expire and may not be reserected by any means. ( This spell has no function on any character with Timeless Body)
[[ Other 3 Epic Spells can be anything you like. I'd focus on Dragon Buffers and Self Hiders ]]
*Polymorph any Object L.8 arcane spell (PaO)
*Wish
*Anything on Both Wizard and Druid List!

5 Choose your Pets: Animal Companion MUST be a hawk. ( They are tiny, and remain that way. This is cruical). You no longer have a familiar any more, it leaves you when you take Arcane Hierophant. Your pet from this point forward is considered an Animal companion, but gains benifets as if it were both you're familiar and animal companion. (( So really you're familiar only matters for that original bonus. I'd go toad. +3 hp? Hell yes, free toughness!))

6) Polymorphing your Hawk :

PaO your hawk into a Psudodragon. (PaO Modifer = +5 creature/+2 size/+2 Intelegence.= +9 Permenent) Because of the Int bouns from Familiar the hawk is more intellegent that the Psudodragon. Upon PoA it becomes a Psudodragon Animal companion/Familiar, and it's intellegence returns to what familiar dictates.


7) PolyMorphing your psudodragon:

PaO Psudodragon into Young Gold Dragon
Restrictions to PaO is that it must be caster level or 15 HD. Yound Gold Dragon qualifies. (PaO Mod. = +5 Creature/+2 Type/+2 Related)
Permenently a gold dragon, however from the bonus hit dice from animal companion it gains +14 Hit dice; Pushing it up to 28 Hitdice making it a Mature adultGold Dragon.

8) Humble Wishes: Steps 8-10 are not nessisary, but if they are allowed then please do use them. If not the build changes slightly but remains the same concept. IF skipping change out any refrence to a prismatic dragon for any chromatic/metalic dragon you want ( Just PoA the Gold Dragon)

Wish for next PaO any object to acceed 15 Hitdice to 23.

9)Wishing you were here...not really: Wish for Next Pa0 acceed Caster level 19 to 23 ( May not be nessisary with increased spell caster items...)

10) Polymorphing your dragon PaO Wyrm Gold Dragon into Wyrmling Prismatic Dragon

11 Let sit for 2410 years) Cast Ageing spell on it for 241 rounds worth ( This takes almost half a year, no big deal we're epic, we've some time to burn )

This ages the Prismatic Wyrmling to 2410 years. Makeing it a Great Wyrm Prismatic Dragon

12 Cook to perfection:) Becuase it has a +14 HD it becomes an (14/5 for epic dragon) 2xAdvanced Dragon Adding gobs and gobs of love to it.

Costs:
Epic Spell- 252.000 Gold 10.080 XP
Wish- 5.000 XP
Total- 252.000 Gold, 15.080 XP

====================
Animal Comp. L.23
Familiar bens L.23


MegaPet, Familiar Companion Advancedx2 Prismatic Great Wyrm

Size/Type: Colossal+ /Dragon

Hit Dice: 92d12+[2714] ( Average 3.312 hp)

Initiative: +3

Speed: 60 ft., fly 350 ft. (clumsy)

Armor Class: (-8 size, +30 Cha, +132natural, +3 dex)= 156 Ac, Flatfooted 167 , Touch 35.

Base Attack/Grapple: +92/+147

Attack: +126 1 Bite (8d6) 2 Claws (4d8) 2 Wings(4d6) 1 Tail Slap(4d8) 1 Crush(8d6) 1 Tail Sweep(4d6)

Full Attack: Uhm yeah this depends on feats and all that love... but Im sure you can figure that out

Space/Reach: 30 ft./20 ft

Special Attacks: Breath 70 ft. Cone( As Prismatic Spray, DC 85)

Special Qualities: Frightfull Presence(DC 85), Draconic Immunities (Immune to sleep and paralysis effects, immune to light and blindness effects.), Deflecting Force ( As cloack of Chaos, however Deflection bonus to AC is of cha bonus), Spell Resistance 98, DR25/Epic, DR15/magic,

Saves: Fort+77 Ref+51 Will+75

Abilities: Str 94, Dex 17, Con 69, Int 79, Wis 65, Cha 70

Skills: (34)x95 [ Are there over 34 different skills to choose from?)

Feats: 30 feats.... Suggestions (Epic Spell casting, Metamagic Feats, Augmented Alchemy [Think of it, with over 107 ranks in alchemy...], Epic Dodge, Epic Endurance( Very Vague, could be considered fighting as qualification), Epic Skill Focus ( Alchemy) [maybe even a few times], Exceptional Deflection,Infinite Deflection,Reflect Arrows, Great [Ability], Ignore Material Components, Improved Combat Casting, Improved Heighten Spell, Improved Spell Capacity,Legendary Wrestler, Spell Opportunity, Born of thee Thunders, Fell Drain, Fell Animate is fun, Fortify Spell, Arcane Disciple ( Choose gods here), Arcane Strike ( When mixed with the level 11 spells you can cast... yes), Combat Charm, Improved Counterspell, Arcane Thesis, Dampen Spell, Stead fast Determination, Vatic Gaze, Smiting Spell, Combat Panache, Vow of Poverty/Epic Vow of poverty...? If you aren't evil this would be a helluv sick way to do things becuase of the sick feats added.... [[ These are just suggestions... really here you can creative. Remeber, it's big and can cast hell of high level spells. ]]



Spell Like abilites-

At will—hypnotic pattern, rainbow pattern; 3/day—prismatic sphere, prismatic wall, sunbeam, sunburst. And MegaPet gains 2 spell like abilities taken from you're lists of Spells L.8 and below

MegaPet knows and casts spells like a 42th level Sorcerer ( Spell DC 40+ Spell Level )

MegaPet gains the Improved Spell Capacity bonus Feat 7 times.

Spells Known- 9/5/5/4/4/4/3/3/3/3/ ( 10 Epic Spells)

Spells Per Day- 6/14/14/14/14/13/13/13/13/12/8/8/7/7/7/7/6 ( Casts up L. 16 spells!)

Benifeits-
Improved Evasion
Empathic Link
Deliver Touch Spells( Uhm yeah. Deliver it with a crush...)
Scry on Familiar
Multiattack
Link

MegaPet knows 238 tricks... have fun with coming up with that...

CR: 74 ( Actualy Horribly lower than it should be)
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MegaPet's weaknesses are as such
- Low Touch AC
- Cannot Cast Quicken Spell ( Unless you take the feat Arcane Preperation, then should also take Auto-Quickspell 3 or 6 times )

====================

For Undeath Flavor Glaze with:

13) Master and Slave : Have Dragon take Feats Craft Wonderous Item, Brew Potion, Exeptional artisan ( Several times, each time reduces phylactry cost by 25%), Legendary artisan ( Several times, each time reduces Xp cost by 25%.) [ Exeptional artisan + Legendary artisan are in Eberron

14) Dracolich it

The dragon needs the feat to create it, but uses you're XP and gold. I suggest some of it's feats focus on reducing the costs of these check out eberron and such if you take this route.

Have it create the Drako-lich juice and the Drako-lich phylactry. (( Described better in the Drakonomican... a book I sadly do not have ))

15) Demi-Lich it:
(http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/demilich.htm)

Have it craft it's own Soul Gems, as discribed at the bottom of the page posted.

16) Let sit for a very long time...: Evolve Undead it 12 times ( Just for measure, The evolved Undead is a template in the Libris Mortis. It is aged based. )

( This may require several thousand castings of the but thats okay, everytime you cast it and hold out the spell you get 2.1% chances to evolve it. (Depending on Spellcaster level). Time consuming yes, but feasible.

Costs:
*Epic Spell- 252.000 Gold 10.080 XP
*Wish- 5.000 XP
*Dracolich Brew- 5,000 ( Buy it, I'd say customize it, but you don't get a cheapy anymore for that )
*Dracolich Phylactry- 27.000 Gold ( Reduce price by 25% for each Exceptional Artisan Feat the Dragon took.) 2.000XP (Reduce price by 25% for each Legendary Artisan Feat the Dragon took)
*8 Soul Gems- 960,000 gp ( Reduce price by 25% for each Exceptional Artisan Feat the Dragon took.)and 38.400 XP (Reduce price by 25% for each Legendary Artisan Feat the Dragon took)

Total- 1.244.000 Gold 50.480 XP( Without Feats, I urge you have your dragon take the Exeptional/Legendary Artisan feats a few times)

Well over half your gold, and two whole Levels.... But you don't loose the levels, you just loose the xp....it's worth it. Especialy if you reduce the price.

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Deadgon ((A modification of Megapet))

- Low HP
-No Con Score
-Looses Natural Attacks
- Turning...but turning is Supernatural,...?
+Higher Saves
+Better Touch AC
+Huge Attack/Damage
+ Ginormous and Humasive Paralyzation DC 100s?!?!?
+ More tricks/skills ( This could be negative, trying to figure were to put them)
+/- Immune to spells/supernatural abilities ( Both Benificial and Damaging)
+ Great Spell Like abilities
+ Smaller ( Dosn't affect Damage, so AC bonus is good)
+4 Feats
+More Spells Per day
+Immunities

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Now this build actualy doesn't work due to one rule in the Draconomicon strictly prohibiting higher than wyrmling familiars. However this concept can be used with several other builds. There was some argument to use of polymorph any object and wish, which are very valid arguments. I cannot stress enough, do not actualy use most of my builds ( a few of them, like the Barbarians and such are decent) they were not made for use.
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===Post #2===

Toaster-Oven Version Pet Master Build
For a Lighter less Cheesy filled Pet master.
This Serves Two Lighter Fluffier dragons opposed to the One in the Original Pet Master.

Make these slight alterations to the Pet Master
Needs: Epic Level Handbook, Libris Mortis, Complete Warrior


1) Class Wiz L.17/DruidL.1

2) Feats: Same and Improved Familiar (Psudodragon)

3) Spells - Genisis/Polymorph and Object/ Plane Shift

4) pets- Hawk A.Comp/Psudodragon(Color X) (L.17 Master...see step 7)

5)Cast PaO on A.Comp- Hawk to psudodragon(Color Y)-psdragon [HD 15 or lower](Color Y) to anydragon (Color Y)
6) Cast PaO on Familiar- Psdragon(Color X) Familiar to anydragon [HD 15 or lower] (ColorX)
6) Cast Gensis [L.9 Non epic Spell, listed in ELH] - Create a plain where time moves by at 1000xspeed. ( Technichaly Im not sure if this is posible but I believe you control the properties within the plane...so....)

7)Die -Become Necoroplitan {Ritual in LM. Loose 1 level...take it in wizard} This makes you undead and immune to aged death.

8)Cast Plain Shift- Take dragons to plain.

Pets Become [Examples Later]

4xAdvanced Great Worm Dragon +12HD, +12 Str/Dex, +6 Nat Armor [ Color Y] Companion

Great Wyrm anydragon +10 Nat armor Familar

Example

ColorYAComp

Size/Type: Colossal+ /Dragon (Fire)

Hit Dice: 53d12+795 ( Average 1145 hp)

Initiative: +3

Speed: 60 ft., fly 300 ft. (clumsy), swim 60 ft.

Armor Class: 59 (-8 size, +64 natural, +3 Dex), touch 5, flat-footed 56

Base Attack/Grapple: +41/+78

Attack: +54 1 Bite (8d8) 2 Claws (4d8 ) 2 Wings (4d6 ) 1 Tail Slap (4d8 ) 1 Crush (8d6 ) 1 Tail Sweep (4d6) All considered epic

Full Attack: Uhm yeah this depends on feats and all that love... but Im sure you can figure that out

Space/Reach: 30 ft./20 ft

Special Attacks: Breath 80 ft. Cone Fire, (32d10 Ref DC 49) or 80ft Cone (16 Str Damage For DC 49)

Special Qualities: Frightfull Presence(DC 46), Draconic Immunities (Immune to sleep and paralysis effects, immune to light and blindness effects.),SR 37,DR 20/magic and 15/epic Alternate Form (Su, ColorYAcomp dragon can assume any animal or humanoid form of Medium size or smaller as a standard action three times per day. It can remain in it animal or humanoid form until it chooses to assume a new one or return to its natural form.) Water Breathing (Ex, ColorYAcomp can breathe underwater indefinitely and can freely use its breath weapon, spells, and other abilities while submerged, the cone of fire becomes a cone of superheated steam underwater.) Luck Bonus (Sp, Once the dragon can touch a gem, usually one embedded in it's hide, and enspell it to bring good luck. As long as the dragon carries the gem, it and every good creature in a 10-foot radius per age category of the dragon receives a +1 luck bonus on all saving throws and similar rolls, as for a stone of good luck. If the dragon gives an enspelled gem to another creature, only that bearer gets the bonus. The effect lasts 1d3+48 hours, but ends if the gem is destroyed. This ability is the equivalent of a 2nd-level spell. ) Detect Gems (Sp, this dragon can use this ability three times per day. This is a divination effect similar to a detect magic spell, except that it finds only gems. The dragon can scan a 60-degree arc each round: By concentrating for 1 round it knows if there are any gems within the arc; 2 rounds of concentration reveal the exact number of gems; and 3 rounds reveal their exact location, type, and value. This ability is the equivalent of a 2nd-level spell. )

Saves: For +37 Ref +25 Will +35

Abilities: Str 53 Dex 16 Con 41 Int 36 Wis 37 Cha36

Skills: 19 x 56

Feats: 17 Feats, 4 epic feats

Spell Like abilites-
3/day—bless1/day—geas/quest, sunburst , foresight


ColorYAcomp knows and casts spells like a 27th level Sorcerer ( Spell DC 23+ Spell Level )

ColorYAcomp gains the Improved Spell Capacity bonus Feat 2 times.

Spells Known- 9/5/5/4/4/4/3/3/3/3

Spells Per Day- 6/10/9/9/9/9/8/8/8/8 /1/1/1/1

Benifeits-
Improved Evasion
Devotion
Multiattack
Link
Share Spells

ColorYAcomp knows 115 tricks... have fun with coming up with that...

CR: 50 (Actualy Horribly lower than it should be)

ColorXFam

Size/Type: Colossal Dragon (Cold)

Hit Dice: 40d12+400 (660)

Initiative: +0

Speed: 40 ft., fly 200 ft. (clumsy)

Armor Class: 40 (-8 size, +48 natural), touch 2, flat-footed 40

Base Attack/Grapple:+40/+72

Attack: +54 1 Bite (4d8) 2 Claws (4d6 ) 2 Wings (2d8 ) 1 Tail Slap (4d6 ) 1 Crush (4d6 ) 1 Tail Sweep (2d8)

Full Attack: Uhm yeah this depends on feats and all that love... but Im sure you can figure that out

Space/Reach: 30 ft./20 ft

Special Attacks: Breath 70 ft. Cone Cold, (24d8 Ref DC40) or 80ft Cone (Paralyzed For DC 40, 1d6+12 rounds)

Special Qualities: Frightfull Presence(DC 40), Draconic Immunities (Immune to sleep and paralysis effects, immune to light and blindness effects.),SR 32,DR 20/magic, Breath Weapon (Su, the dragon has one of two types of breath weapon, a cone of cold and a cone of paralyzing gas. Creatures within a cone of paralyzing gas must succeed on a Fortitude save or be paralyzed for 1d6 rounds plus 1 round per age category of the dragon), Alternate Form (Su, the dragon can assume any animal or humanoid form of Medium size or smaller as a standard action three times per day. The dragon can remain in its animal or humanoid form until it chooses to assume a new one or return to its natural form.) Cloudwalking (Su, the dragon can tread on clouds or fog as though on solid ground. The ability functions continuously but can be negated or resumed at will. )

Saves: For +32 Ref +22 Will +32

Abilities: Str 43 Dex 10 Con 31 Int 14 Wis 31 Cha 30

Skills: 8 x 43

Feats: 13 Feats, no epic feats

Spell Like abilites-
3/day—fog cloud ,control winds; 2/day—feather fall; 1/day— control weather, reverse gravity.

ColorXfam knows and casts spells like a 19th level Sorcerer ( Spell DC 30+ Spell Level )

Spells Known- 9/5/5/4/4/4/3/3/3/2

Spells Per Day- 6/9/9/8/8/8/8/7/7/5

Benifeits-
Alertness
improved evasion
share spells
empathic link
Deliver touch spells
Speak with master
Speak with animals of its kind
Scry on familiar

CR: 26 (Actualy minorly lower than it should be)


=======================
Microwaveable Build
Provides 1 fluffy light Cup-dragon

Class- Wiz L.7
Feat- Improved Familiar (PsdDragon)
Pet- Psudodragon (Master Level 7)
Items- Scroll of PaO CL.15 Cost 3.00 gp
Pao- Psdragon to Young Gold dragon.

Provides 1 14 Hd Gold Dragon as familiar
---
Example
Cupdragon [/b]
Size/Type: Large Dragon (Fire)

Hit Dice: 14d12+42 (133)

Initiative: +0

Speed: 60 ft., fly 200 ft. (poor), swim 60 ft.

Armor Class: 26 (-1 size, +17 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 26

Base Attack/Grapple: +14/+25

Attack: +20 1 Bite (2d6) 2 Claws (1d8 ) 2 Wings (1d6 ) 1 Tail Slap (1d8 )

Full Attack: Uhm yeah this depends on feats and all that love... but Im sure you can figure that out

Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft (10 with bite)

Special Attacks: Breath 80 ft. Cone Fire, (6d10 Ref DC 20) or 80ft Cone (3 Str Damage For DC 20)

Special Qualities:, Draconic Immunities (Immune to sleep and paralysis effects, immune to light and blindness effects.),Breath Weapon (Su, the dragon has two types of breath weapon, a cone of fire and a cone of weakening gas. Creatures within a cone of weakening gas must succeed on a Fortitude save or take 3 points of strength damage), Alternate Form (Su, the dragon can assume any animal or humanoid form of Medium size or smaller as a standard action three times per day. The dragon can remain in its animal or humanoid form until it chooses to assume a new one or return to its natural form.) Water Breathing (Ex, CupDragon can breathe underwater indefinitely and can freely use its breath weapon, spells, and other abilities while submerged, the cone of fire becomes a cone of superheated steam underwater.)

Saves: For +12 Ref +9 Will +12

Abilities: Str 25 Dex 10 Con 16 Int 9 Wis 17 Cha 16

Skills: 5x17

Feats: 4 Feats, definatly no epic feats

Benifeits-
Alertness
improved evasion
share spells
empathic link
Deliver touch spells
Speak with master
Speak with animals of its kind

CR: 7 (Actualy almost acurate...)

[The ChumpLump]

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===Post #3===

NOTE: These are simply ways of playing a Barbarian. They are not the actual classes. None of this is anything but FLAVORING to add spice.


Some Love these Illiterate gits, who dump in Charisma, and push Str to beyond the 18 limit. Some find them annoying or weak. Truth of the matter is even though Cleric's are the most versitile core class, Barbarians come a Close Second.

Note: This is the Clasic Barbarian. This is all flavour based, and therefore has little to do with actual rules. (( Some things not suggested may actualy make fun, or powerfull creatures, that's fine. But not the 'Thrug' flavor I am going for))

Here are Some Barbarian-=Just for Fun Recipies=-
These 'Builds' are served ready to go and require no character cooking skills ( Well Barbaarians also Dump Int, c'mon. How many skills will Thrug Have with a -2 Int Mod? 2xHd+3? Please, can't waste that on Cooking skills!)


Barbitter/Fightarian
... Take a luck check... Good. Now, Thrug Fighter. He fights. Problem Solved....

Barbard/Bard-A-rian
Mock Abilities
Bardic Music-
Screetching Song-Thrugs Music Makes enimies Scream. This why Thrug Plays The Grug-o-lin Stringy-paddle good!
Inspire Deafness- Thrug Play Drums REAL loud!
Song of Your Dead- Krug think your face good tunning fork for Guitar. ( Smash Smash Smash)
Dance of Smashies- Look how good Thrug Dance and swing fistes, others dance real bad around Thrug they fall down all bloody. (Rage Rage Rage)
Fascinate/Suggestion- Thrug Song of Your dead on squishie-man's freind, this fascinate, then thrug suggest Squishie-Man give thrug a good monies for Thrug's songs!

Barberic/Cleri-karian
Mock Abilities
Domains- Most Clerikarians take one of these domains
Squishie Domain- Granted Power " Thrug Real Good at making Squishies go Ka-Squish!"
Weaponry of Big Domain- "Thrug Use bigger Weapon, it Hurt more"
Firey Burn Domain - " Thrug not need weapon, Thrug have torch!"
Anger Domain- " You no Like me when Thrug Angry!"
Bigger than you Domain- " You teeeeeny tiiiiiny squishie"
Hunger Domain - " Thrug hungry, small man's face look good"
Infilct/Cure- "Hammer Inflict wounds on head. Axe Cure anything with death!"

Bardruid/Druidarian
These are by far more common and Easier to Simulate
Make sure you take Handle Animal and Survival as Skills
Animal Companio <Handle Animal>"Thrug's Couger is bigger than silly man's wolf"
Wild Shape-
" Thrug light thrug on fire, THRUG NOW FIREY-ELERMANTLES OF ANGER!!"
" Thrug Strong Like Bull, and Hungry like Boar"
" Thrug is small woodlen creature... STOP LOOKING AT THRUG, THRUG IS ONLY SKWIRLL!"
A thousand Axes- Thrug Not Thrug, You now not know I thrug, Because Head is Cutt off!
Sumn.- " THRUG CALLING BEASTS COME HERE BEASTS! Why no beasts Come? Thrug Throw Axes Instead."

Barbonk/Monk-darian
Random Silly Things- " Thrug can do that too, Thrug just think it easier to crush enemies/trees/walls/things instead"
Improved Unarmed attack- "Thrug's fists are covered in metaly gloves, they hurt good when shoved in jumpy-bouncy-man's face!"
Perfect Self- " Who say Thrug Not Perfect?"
Tongue of Sun and Moon- " Thrug sed DO SILLY-TENTICLE-FACE SPEAK THRUG? Fine Thrug just cut off tenticly-head dumb-no-talker!"

Barbaladin/Paladarian
Smite Squishie- " Thrug Self-RightMus... Thrug smite thoust in head!"
Detect Squishie- "Thrug Smell clean-man...Thrug Smash"
Angry grace- " Thrug Good at not being attacked on both sides! Smashied!"
Lay Hands On- " When Thrug get's hands on squishie squishie gunna wish Thrug not Self-RightMus Killer-Thrug!"
Remove Disease- " Friend got bit in Arm? Amu-lepatate!" ::Swings Axe::
Special Mount- " Thrug not Need Horse...thrug Faster than Horse...NO THRUG FASTER," ::smashes Horses Legs:: " See, Thrug Faster."
Aura Of Courage- " Thrug not afraid of Bigger than thrug Squishie... ARRGGGGHH!!!"

Barbanger/Range-arian
Favored Enemies- ( Squishies, Small-mens, Silly-things, Bigger-Squishies, Tasties, Grumbly-wumblies...ect.)
Combat Style- "Thrug Show you Combat Style! Sword swing'n style!"
Animal Companion- " Thrug say you companion now..." ::Hits with hammer:: " YOU COMPANION NOW!"
Camoflage/Hide in Plain sight- " YOU NOT SEE THRUG, STOP LOOKING AT THRUG, THRUG IS HIDDEN!"
Swift Tracker- " Thrug Found Squishie... NO SQUISHIE IS SAME THAT ATTACKED BIG-DUMB-MAN! Thrug now collect bounty!"

Barogue/Rogarian
As that many of the side abilities mirror eachother, there are only a few Diffrences
Trap Sense- " Thrug found Trap Was there...Thrug just want prove he dodge it good."
Silly Abilities- As Monk ability of same name, as if half monk level.
Sneak Attack- "You not see Axe Hitting Head, or Hammer Smashing Lungs! Thrug Know where do more damage. Thrug good Sneaker!"

Barberer/Sorcerian
Casts only Barbar-spells but at more times a day
Familiar- " Yes this Axe is thrug's pet. What? Axe say squishie is lying? THRUG SHARE SPELL AXY-FACE-SQUISHIE"

Barzard/Wizarian
Specilist- Barbarist ( Must give up 8 schools of magic, Which CAN be Divination, but not Barbar-spells. Gain +2 Spell craft to Identify bar-bar spells, gain an additional Bar-bar spell)
Familair - See Sorcerian with same name
SpellBook- "Thrug Have spell book, but stupid arcansy-pansy no can see what's in it. No touch! NO TOUCH! THRUG SMASH YOU!!!" { This book usualy has random scrible and doodles in it}
========================
Some Suggestions for Classes
A few level Dips into the class you simulate (Or simular class) adds to the oddity. [ Ask your DM to maintain Illeteracy. It's funner that way]

Barbitter/Fightarian- 2 Level dip in Fighter is all you need

Barbard/Bard-A-rian- Taking a level dip into Bard may be frowned on here, I mean the idea is that he really cannot play music well, perhaps the dips, but ask your DM to exchange Intimidate for Perform ( Or if she/he is a sticker take Perform(oratory) and shout out mean things for your special abilities) Still not suggesting dips for this

Barberic/Cleri-karian - Rather than a Level of Cleric take a few levels of Druid. Divine spells with startle people coming from a Barbarian who knows so little of religion ( barbs usaly are closer to nature anyhow.)\

Bardruid/Druidarian- A few levels dip into Druid would be fine for this, it certainly works well. Though a 2 level dip into ranger also works...and a 2 level dip into Fighter always works

Barbonk/Monk-darian- 2 level dip in fighter, nothing else really works...

Barbaladin/Paladarian- This would be a great place to take a dip into cleric levels, Destruction[Actual Smite Ability!?], War, Strength, Chaos Domain, Fire, and Madness Domains Work well.

Barbanger/Range-arian- Fighter, or even Ranger Works... Any Barbarian Weilding a Bow, best Have Composite...or be stabed to death by the rules of stereotype.

Barogue/Rogarian- Dip in Rogue really dosn't hurt here...neither does fighter though...

Barberer/Sorcerian- A short level dip into Sorc. Isn't bad...but focus on Damaging Crude spells.. otherwise it's kind of silly ( Cuase Fear, Burning Hands, Endure elements, Jump, Magic Missle...maybe, Magic Weapon, Shocking Graps...maybe,Enlarge Person, Expidous Retreat, Enlarge Person and such...}

Barzard/Wizarian- Really Don't. Don't do it at all. Unless it's fighter... this just isn't the right flavor for this sort of thing.
==============
Skill-Replacements [Mostly Intimidate]
o Appraise- Intimidate " THRUG SAY ROCK WORTH 50 GOLD!"
o Balance- Climb/Smash " Why Thrug walk on small thing, Thrug break small thing."
o Bluff- Intimidate " Thrug said Thrug Not Smash Squishie dead man!"
o Climb/Climb.
o Concentration-Survival " Thrug Light fire and stare at it."
o Craft/Craft/Intimidate " Thrug WANT BOAT NOW!"
o Decipher Script/Smash/Survival "Thrug smash/burn stupid thing"
o Diplomacy-Intimidate " THRUG FRIENDS WITH TASTIE-MAN!"
o Disable Device/Smash
o Disguise- Intimidate " THRUG NOT THRUG THRUG NOW RICHERMANS!"
o Escape Artist/Smash
o Forgery- Intimidate " THIS NOTE FROM KING, YOU GIVE THRUG MONEY OR THRUG SQUISH!"
o Gather Information/Intimidate " TELL THRUG WHERE TAVERN MAID GO!"
o Handle Animal/Handle Animal/Intimidate "THRUG EAT DOGGIE IF DOGGIE NO COME!"
o Heal-Smash " Thrug good doctor, thrug make broken bone go far away!"
o Hide-Intimidate " THRUG NOT SEEN! YOU GO AWAY NOW!"
o Intimidate....
o Jump/Jump
o Knowledge- Intimidate ::lifts hammer:: "Thrug Know what Thrug talking about"
o Listen/Listen
o Move Silently/Intimidate "YOU HEAR NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!"
o Open Lock-Smash " What Lock?"
o Perform/Oratory/Intimidate- "Thrug make good song, RIGHT?"
o Profession/Intimidate- "THRUG WORK FOR YOU, Thrug get paid 2 gold a day"
o Ride/ride
o Search/Smash " Thrug found this when breaking everythings"
o Sense Motive-Intimidate " NO LIE TO THRUG"
o Sleight Of Hand-Intimidate "Thrug have axe, thrug now stealing small man's monies."
o Speak Language-Intimidate " THRUG TALKING TO YOU, why no listen to thrug? YOU WANT HEAD SMASHED?"
o Spellcraft-Survival " Thrug cast Light you on Fire."
o Spot/Intimidate " WHERE YOU HIDING?" or Survival "Thrug smoke out hider-squishie"
o Survival/Survival
o Swim/Swim
o Tumble-Smash "Thrug push angry-man out of way, Thrug needs get through!"
o Use Magic Device/Smash " Yarrrrr!"
o Use Rope/Smash " He not moving anywhere now"
==============================
Sample
Bar-Bar Spells [ Never allow for SR]

Anger
Barbar
Components: V(Shout),
Casting Time: 1 free action
Range: Personal
Duration: 3+Con Mod
Saving Throw: None
As Rage (Is Rage)

Smash Face with Weapon X
BarBar
Components: S(Violent Motion), DF(Weapon)
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: threatened Oponent
Duration: Instant
Saving Throw: None

Roll an attack roll, if you pass your oponent's AC, roll damage from the Devine Focus plus your Strength Mod ( x1.5 for 2 hands, 2xPower attack)

Smash Face with Weapon X, Greater
BarBar
Components: V(shout), S(Violent Motion), DF(Weapon)
Casting Time: 1 fullround action
Range: 80ft(Varies)Line, Touch
Target: Oponent with clear sight line and no obstrcutions



As Smash Face with Weapon X, except as noted above. Also you move to infront of target, and gain a +2 to strike, but a -2 to Ac Until your next turn.

Minor Flight
Barbar
Components: S,
Casting Time: 1 Move action
Range: Personal
Duration: Varies
Saving Throw: Will negates (harmless)

The Caster Pushes off the ground experiancing a quick defiance of gravity. This functions exactly as a Jump Check.

Minor Flight, Other
Barbar
Components: V, S,
Casting Time: 1 fullroundaction
Range: Touch
Target: Ally/Enemy touched/Grappled
Duration: Varies
Saving Throw: None

After succeeding a grapple check vs. the target you may fling them skyward ( as long as they weigh no more than your medium load). They go 10ft+Strength check/3. This spell is under Dm's Discretion.

Anger shout
Barbar
Components: V or S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Threatened area
Target: Creature threatened
Duration: 1 round
Saving Throw: Special Level Check (1d20 + character level or Hit Dice + target’s Wisdom bonus)

Caster makes an Intimidate check opposed by the target’s modified level check (see above). If the caster wins, the target becomes shaken for 1 round. A shaken character takes a -2 penalty on attack rolls, ability checks, and saving throws.

And whatever else you can think of.

See how use-full the Barbarian is? You no think Barbarian good still? Chumplump work so long! CHUMP SMASH SQUISHIE FORUM READER!!!

Magic Which Reminds me. I need to Errata the BarBar Spells Section

*Ahem*

-=Errata=-
There is no such thing as BarBar spells per day. Nor is there any rule-based limit to BarBar spells known. ( However the 'level' of spell should reflect exactly what level of spells the Barbar caster thinks he can cast. " Of coarse THrug can cast level nine spells, Can squishie-stickholder cas level eleventyKagillions level spells? )

Some BarBar spells only function properly when certain abilites havn't been spent ( I.e. Anger which only really works the number of times your BarBar caster has Rages per day) This usualy does not stop a BarBar Caster from casting these spells anyways.

Is BarBar Magic Arcane, Divine, Psionic, True Speak, Shadow? What?: " Thrug Magic is (Insert random adjective here, such as Angry, good, powerfullerest, magical...) Magic"


~Have fun...



===================================================================================================

===Post #4===

This makes a wonderfull BBEG, but if you perfer this is an entirely playable character ( In a L.10 begining Campaign though..err)

The Goal of this Build is to have a Combat Beast with insane criticals
Ingridiants-
MMII, Eratta and 3.5 update
Spell Compendium
BoVD ( Book of Vile Darkness)


Begin with the Simple Nimblwright. Cheesy goodness to begin with I mean [a legaly playable golem, with a starting crit multiplier of 15-20. This almost begs to be played with, and as that I have nothing better with my time to do, will play.

With 10 hitdice and four feats a Construct can qualify for the PrC Disciple of Dispater... so we go a head and have our Nimblewright take the feats
* Disciple of Darkness
* Power Attack.
( It already had Combat Expertise as a Bonus Feat )

With 4 levels in the DoD Prc it gains Iron Power, which stacks with Imp. Crit ( Which it will qualify at L.1 DoD ). Iron power and Impr Crit multiply the threat range by x3. So we go from 15-20/x2 to 3-20/x2.
Upon reaching L.8 DoD this Cripl'er can crit on a roll of -3 on the die, Iron power buffs up to x3 (x3 IP and X2 Imp Crit = x4. 15-20 is aThreat range of 6. 6x4= 24. This creates a threat Range of -3-20...)

Now the Lesser build L.4 DoD and NimbleWright creates a CR 16, ECL 20.
Treasure for the NPC version is 28.000 gold.



The greater build needs a little more work yes?

WARNING THIS IS COMPLETE CHEESE AND EPIC AT THAT, ONLY USE WITH EXTREME CAUTION. DM/PLAYER MAY SHOOT YOU FOR THIS.
Well there is another class that aids Crit-Monsters The Psionic Weapons Master
This requires 5 more feats than DoD... as that we have 2 left over and gain 3 more from levels we are fine...

Now heres were we get Technichal... the Nimblewright is a construct... ergo it can be psionicly created... in creating the master could in theory create the rapier hands out of psionic crystal alloy steel call it Mstykthral or something......... so add that to the cost of creation and go... ( Always add master work to golem's weapons when crafting them that ickle 300 is so worth the later enchantments ). Now the Construct is Psionic, so are it's spell like abilities become psion-like abilities, and it qualifis for manifesting 3rd level or higher powers.

Now becuase this is complete cheese allow us to add 9 levels of Psionic Weapon master to the build. Besided all of the other love our crit Modifier becomes -5-20/x2, and these rapiers of his are enchanted up to +9...

Total build results in CR29 ECL33
Treasure for NPC is roughly 181.000 gold
==============
Magical Items that make this even saucier.
These item was created via abusing the DMG's poor discription of making magical items and the Spell Compendium's wickly broken spells. This is only for DM's Creations...

"Right Rapier of manyblades" Spells used ( Girallon's Blessing ) 45.000 gold enhancment Gain 2 additional limbs and rapier-hands... this makes for 4 attacks as a standard action...important?

"Left rapier hand of Clank'dup Chainsie's Schwiggity Death"Spells that are used for cretion...Grave Strike, Golem Strike, Wraith Strike, Blood Wind, Critical Strike, SharpTooth, Wind Tunnel, Rhino Rush, CrabWalk) 120.000 gp item, [Can Crit on Undead and Constructs and Fortified Armor. Use touch Attacks for hitting. Natural Wpns (Ie- your rapiers) all may be used in a full attack action but be treated as Throne weapons with a 40ft Range Incriment and a +5 Competance bonus to hit( Trade ability to charge with all 4, for abillity to strike anyone within 200ft with all 4 weapons.) +4 to confirm Critical Strikes. Increase Damage up 3d6. On a charge you deal double damage, and gain a +4 to hit, rather than +2, and no AC penalty

Both of these stack with anyother Enhancements to the blades you like. ( I'd suggest Vorpal...that way when you actualy roll a 20 something happens...)
===

Crip'ler Reesin'nble (L.4 Disciple of Dispater, NE Nimblewright)
Size/Type: Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 14d10+20 (Average 77 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 27 (+7 Dex, +7 Nat, +3 Armor), touch 17, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+11
Attack: 4 M.work rapier hands +21(4d6+6[take 1d6 damage]) 3-20/X2
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell Like abilities, Tripping Thrust, Rusting touch 1/day
Special Qualities: Construct traits, SR 27, Augmented Crit, and Vulnerabilities
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +14, Will +10
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 25, Con Ø, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 19
Skills: [2x13]+[4x4]
Feats:Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Disciple of Darkness, Power Attack, Cleave, Imp Crit, Weapon Finesse.
If PC ( Shouldn't be )La:+6
If DM Creation CR: 12
PC Treasure: Apropriate for L.16 character
NPC Treasure: 98.00gp worth [ Right Rapier hand of Manyblades,4x +1 Vicious Rapiers, Ring of Protection +3, 3.000 gold... ],

Spell Like abilities- Alter self, Cat's Grace, Entropic Sheild, feather fall, and Haste..all at will. Low DC's but that dosn't matter...

Tipping Thrust (ex): Any Crit from a Rapier-hand attack must make a Ref DC 19 or fall prone

Aug Crit (ex): Crit range of 15-20/x2

Iron Power: +1 to hit with mostly metal items, and threat range at 3-20/x2

Vulnerabilities:
Cold Slows for 3 rounds
Fire stuns for 1 round.

=================
=================
=================
Crip'ler NohReesin'nin (L.8 Disciple of Dispater,L.9 Psionic Weapons Master CE Nimblewright)
Size/Type: Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 18d10+9d8+20 (Average 139 hp, not much for epic...)
Initiative: +9
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 24 (+9 Dex, +7 Nat), touch 17, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +15/+19
Attack: 4 rapier hands +26 (3d6+4) -5-20/X2, Whirlwind Attack +26 (2d6+4) -5-20/X2 ( See Whirlwind on PWM .
Full Attack:
200ft Blood wind +30 (3d6+4) -5-20/X2
Charge 4 attacks +30 (6d6+8) -5-20/x2
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell Like abilities, Tripping Thrust, Rusting Graps 1/day,
Special Qualities: Construct traits, SR 27, Augmented Crit, and Vulnerabilities, Ironskin 1/day, Summon Erinyes 1/day.
Saves: Fort +12, Ref +24, Will +15
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 28, Con Ø, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 19
Skills: [2x13]+[17x4]
Feats: Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes(12 AoO, Disciple of Darkness, Power Attack, Cleave, Wepon Focus ( Rapier hands), Psionic Dodge, Psionic Weapon, Weapon Finesse, Dodge, Mobility, Spring Attack, and Whirlwind attack.
Flaws: Sinker (-8 swim, -3 climb )
If DM Creation CR: 29
NPC Treasure: 181.000 [ Right rapier Hand of Manycuts, "Left rapier hand of Clank'dup Chainsie's Schwiggity Death" ..whatever else you like that you can afford...]


Spell Like abilities- Alter self, Cat's Grace, Entropic Sheild, feather fall, and Haste..all at will. Low DC's but that dosn't matter...
Aug Crit (ex): Crit range of 15-20/x2

Iron Power: +2 to hit with mostly metal items, and threat range at -3-20/x2

Bonded weapon:One of the Rapiers should be a +5 Speed Hand Rapier of Dominant party member Bane

Psionic damage- Always does Max Damage... roll for extra damage ( Crits, and such )

Increased multiplier 4/day- This pops the x2 up to a x3 ( -5-20/x3)


I think he'd make a lovely reaccuring Villian, or BBEG if he slowly gained power... over time... Well there you are...

Remeber I always Welcome input, thougths, constructive critisism, challenges, and requests.

If you have just read all that you deserve a cookie. This is a lot more than I will normaly post at a time, so don't worry about it too much...


To come:
Recipies to come:
* The Diplomancer
* Mounted Charge Master
* Trollish Brute
* Dragoon
* Cancer Mage Review
* Cleric's Guide to Playing anything else.
~More as I think of them
Much love


~Chump~

[The ChumpLump]

Clerics Guide to Anything Else

Under construction